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Healing my relationship with dance...

The full-moon dance at The Yoga Barn.

The full moon is in #Taurus, my moon sign. It was the most magical, beautiful experience of my life.

Imagine this:

150 Yogis

Dancing however they want to music that changes from slow and sensual to quick and club-like and every style in between


The only rule - no talking

You begin lying on the earth

You end lying on the earth, honoring the wood that was once a tree

Chant OM holding hands in a circle

I have never felt more liberated in my life. I channelled everything from floor work to contemporary to Hamilton inspired choreography, to salsa, and every style in between. Everyone was so incredible, doing their own thing. It was beautiful to watch. The music inhabited each of us and we expelled the beats and rhythms and emotions of each moment. There was an asian that started to breakdance at one point. There was another asian that danced around with a tambourine, giving hugs and high-fives. You would have thought that everyone was high, but weed is illegal in Bali, so everyone was just high on life!

That was the first time I had danced since my bicycle accident. My flexibility is not what it was before the bicycle accident, but I was able to dance with little pain. I felt right at home. I totally let loose for 90 minutes with surrounded by other people who did not give a shit. I have realized that physical touch is my true love language that I wish to give and receive. It is where I feel most alive. It is the love language that has been hurt the most, so it was liberating to open back up again. It is true that dance is the hidden language of the soul.

Being here, I have realized that these are the happiest people I have ever seen in my life. They’re so grateful. They know who they are. They don’t change for anyone. They are just them. It makes me wonder, what the hell are we doing America? Seriously, what is wrong with us? We are so fixated on success and getting ahead that we have just totally lost site of happiness. What is happiness to us anymore?

This might sound like some deep hippie-dippie shit or whatever. Maybe it took the worst relationship of my life, and losing the best job of my life, and almost dying a few times to finally learn how to be myself.

Every person I pass says hello. Every person is so grateful and says thank you to every little thing. Pictures just don’t do this place justice. Every corner you turn, there’s these beautiful statues and gorgeous homes. They are small and simple. These are people that just move and know who they are. They know that happiness is truly love. It is not how many hours you work a day. It is not how big your home is. It is not how many trophies you have. It is not how much money you have in your bank account. It is truly who you are.

There is a part of me that wonders, do I go back to the United States? Do I take everything I have learned in just two days here and try to fix the world, because we have it so backwards there? I found moments where I was just looking around the room and watching all these beautiful people smile, and dancing, and enjoying life. Dammit, that is what we are SUPPOSE to do. We are not suppose to be miserable and working our lives away. Where does that get us?

I found new parts of myself that I have never expressed before, by being in a comfortable room with people who could let go of inhibitions. My body discovered new ways to dance and move, and new movement patterns that I have never explored before. I finally gave myself then permission to go full force without holding back, and my heart exploded in the happiest way possible. It made me want to choreograph and dance, and spend time doing what I love to do,instead of what I feel like I have to do all of the time.

The biggest thing I have learned is that dance is truly how I express myself. It is how I express my feelings. Its what i love more than anything. It is what makes me come to life. It is the thing that fills me up. And when I can’t do it, is the most heartbreaking thing in my life. It is what causes me to turn to substances. It is what causes me to turn to people and other things to fill the void.

This experience truly fell into my lap for a reason. I purchased my plane ticket just over 2 weeks before the trip. My health seems to fall apart every time I’m in NYC. I allow the stress of the city to quickly take its toll. I feel guilty in every moment that I have to be more and do more and pack my day to the fullest, without a moment to listen to my body and care for my health. This year, I have learned that I cannot do that. I must take care of my instrument for the long run. Bali is a magical place for healing and to re-realize what is important. Do yourself the favor, bite the bullet, buy the plan ticket, and go!

#bali #healingjourney #dancer #reviverestorativeretreats

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